i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
