tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you inspire me to be a worse person
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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