Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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