Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
