$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
