i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
