Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
