I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
