I heard we made out
I'm gonna have a badass scar
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my poor anus
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
