Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
