In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
