Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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