Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
