Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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