She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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