Im at strip club and am horny
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
how drunk are you?
Several
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
