If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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