I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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