my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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