i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
