I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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