Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
