I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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