Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
