did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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