I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
