I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
