Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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