Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
