Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
