Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
