There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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