my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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