Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
