Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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