New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
