Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
