No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
