good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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