Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
