You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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