He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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