Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
