don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
