Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
