so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
