cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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