So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
