We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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