Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
