dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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