woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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