Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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