have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
