Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
