Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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