Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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