some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
