drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
