The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
