yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
