i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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