Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
