The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
