Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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