White coat. Heels.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
