STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
