he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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