when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
