just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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