It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize